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A Hazardous Occupation

Twelve Easy Ways You Can Drive A Librarian To Drink

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Twelve Easy Ways You Can Drive A Librarian To Drink

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1. When she asks if you want your checkout receipt, ask her a question that has nothing to do with your receipt.

2. After she answers the random question and asks you again if you'd like your receipt, look at her as if she's stupid and say, "Didn't I just say I did?"

3. Wait three weeks to come pick up your hold books, then pitch a fit because they've been sent back to the original library or moved on to the next person in line.

4. Tell the librarian you'd like to pay a fine, and when she asks for your library card, say, "Nobody ever told me I needed my library card to come here!"

5. Stomp out to your car to get your library card, then throw it at the librarian when you come back inside.

6. Ask the librarian to print you a list of all the books you checked out in the last year. Become indignant when she can't provide that information.

7. At five minutes to closing time, hand the librarian a list of short story titles with no authors' names, and insist that you need all of those for class the next day. Tell her it will be her fault if your teacher flunks you.

8. Use your paycheck as a bookmark, then leave it in the book when you return it. Call the library a few days later to ask where your check is. Be sure and forget the title and author of the book you were reading.

9. Ask to apply for a library card but bring no ID with you. Grouse that the library's policies are ridiculous.

10. Return a book dripping wet from being left outside in the rain. Refuse to pay for the damage, since "it's only a book."

11. When the librarian tells you you've got fines over the maximum amount and you must pay them before you can check out anything else, demand to know when the library started charging fines.

12. Insist that the librarian do whatever kooky thing you're demanding because your taxes pay her salary.
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